Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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