She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
