and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
