Michael Bay diarrhea
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
