It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
