I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She even gives head with a lisp.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
