ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
