i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
