Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
