Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
