i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
