Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
