Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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