Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
