I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
