i permit you to call me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
