Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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