You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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