Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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