Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
