it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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