remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
