Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
