She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
