I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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