youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
