I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
