I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize