my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
