What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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