i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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