what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize