he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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