I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
