There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
