i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
