i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
