I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
