Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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