i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
well you can't waste a boner
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
