I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
