dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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