And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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