Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sarcasm needs its own font
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
