I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
