True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
