I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I want a musical about memes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
