I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
