What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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