what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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