I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize