Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
