I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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