First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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