Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
