I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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