the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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