we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
