how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
