too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
