I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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