Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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