moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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