it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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