Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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