I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
