Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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