1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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