He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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