i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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