just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
