All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize