Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
