I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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