Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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