i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
