Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
