Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im six kinds of drunk right now
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is the high leading the old right now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
