the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
